On my own

Things are up in the air again. I guess I really don't know what I want... I talked to three different people last night saying how both Al and I really need to figure out what we're doing with our lives before we try to start a family, which I totally agree with! I need him to show me that he's responsible and is working towards being able to take care of us in the near future... this means having and holding a job, and getting on with his school. I'm debating again whether to stay here and go to school for one more semester... I could keep my job, get another semester out of the way, not have to travel back for my brother's wedding in October... I'm just not sure if being here is helping or really hurting Al to get his stuff in order. We just want to spend all of our time together, so neither of us are really focusing on what we need to... I really just wish I could see even 8 months into the future and the outcome of all of this... I was talking to Al's friend yesterday who got home from a 2 year mission in Taiwan... he's just so mature and focused and I know that Al going on a mission would really help him, and I would totally wait for him... but he's apparently against that idea now. He would get to go to Norway! I think that's just an opportunity that should be hard to pass up.

I truly don't know anymore...

I can't talk to my parents because they're against the idea of us getting married so young... well for him... I can't talk to his parents because they just want to keep me and it doesn't matter if he stays or goes... anybody in the church just seems like they'd be biased and pushing for him to go on a mission... I guess it's just all up to me to decide what's best for me and I really am lost... I guess basically I have to make my choice, whatever it is and go with it and see where it gets me... I may (hopefully) be that happiest girl I know, married to an amazing guy I love, living out our dreams together... I may be a young girl in love but struggling to make it through life being so naive when we got married... if I wait too long though I may end up losing him...

I think ideally we should wait another year to get married, but it's so hard being apart from him. We work so much better when we're together and working on/towards the same thing...

Too bad I don't think I have any 3rd party un-biased readers to offer advice... like I said, on my own...